i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
