Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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