Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
