last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
