I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
