She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Mom said you looked used
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
