3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
