Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Green mimosas i think yes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
