Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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