Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
