he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
