you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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