she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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