The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
