so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
