so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
