you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
