i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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