I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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