im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
