I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
