if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
