They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
