i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
