I didn't shave. On purpose
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
