So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
