She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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