You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
