I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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