Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
