Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
