My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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