I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
