I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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