LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
