I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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