If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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