I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
