she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
