She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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