Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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