i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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