so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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