AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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