when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
