Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?

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(229): View more from Georgia

whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says

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(704): View more from North Carolina

is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.

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(361): View more from Texas

Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde

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(892): View more from

YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!

(314): View more from Missouri

Only one tier

(314): View more from Missouri

Tastes like cardboard anyway

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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat

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(817): View more from Texas

Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."

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