dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
