I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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