Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
