please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
