I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
